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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

From my son

Cancer does not just effect the one with the diagnosis but all who are close to him.

When I set out earlier this month to share my story, I invited my husband and sons to consider sharing their perspective as a way of giving an inside view of life with a cancer patient. Weeks have passed and I didn't hear a word more about it so I figured it either wasn't their thing or they felt it was mine to tell. Til this week. My oldest son asked if the offer still stands for him to share.
Of course, my son...
Meet Ryan, my eldest:

"Hello, my name is Ryan Weeks. I’m 16. I like rock music, Alexander
Hamilton, scary movies, Tyler Joseph, snowboarding and acting. I can’t
stand on my hands, I can’t do math well, and I don’t know karate. Face it.
Most would say “I’m never gonna make it.” Oh, also, I’m related to someone
with cancer. My Mother. Mom. Madre.
In early 2016, I received the news that my mother had a disease
that everyone and no one talks about. The thing people say “at least you
don’t have that” or says nothing about when it happens except for sorry.
Cancer. The unimaginable.
“You hold your child as tight as you can. And push away the
unimaginable. The moments when you’re in so deep. It feels easier to just
swim down.” * After hearing the news of the diagnosis, I spent the next week
or two in a subconscious denial of the new life that was coming. The new life
as the child of a cancer patient. I wondered how people would react, how
they would treat my family after hearing. Their gain and lack of words. I
wondered how this would effect my Mom, my Father, and my Brother. I
wondered if they would be upset or be put in a emotion of disarray. But, I
didn’t quite let it hit me till a later date.
The later date, surgery day, hard day, life day. All the name’s could
describe that day. They were all in the same, yet all apart. Words couldn’t
seem to come to say goodbye as the time came. The words were caught in
my throat. I couldn’t say “goodbye” as they took her in. I spent the rest of the
week regretting that. The thoughts flooded in, words I could never speak.
“What if?” “That could have happened.” But no one knew these ailed me.
Thoughts of the unknown, the despicable possibilities. This was one week,
its been several months since then. And many more things came into my life,
troubles and blessings alike.
The cold hard truth about my side is that my whole family is effected.
Life is stressful in itself, but to add something like cancer on top of school
and other things, it can take a toll. Like what happened to me, that some, but
not all know. The stress from all the things in my life, from trying to take all of
this on my shoulders, caused me to end up in the ER. Although I am okay
now, there are things that could have been done to prevent it. Ways to
relieve the stress, like talking to someone.
The blessings seem to be what seems to be all that people want to
hear. No one wants to know the pain, the hurt, the complicated. The feeling
of alone. Being looked at like an animal behind glass at a zoo. Something to
watch, not to interact, not to be spoken to, and just left alone. Something I’ve
always fought for others not to feel. Though the thought seems to be selfish,
but to be asked how someone else is doing, yet yourself not be asked the
same seems just harsh.
I guess my points are, when you see someone going through
something hard, don’t leave them alone. That causes things that can’t be
undone, things that scar. The feeling of aloneness may never truly leave till trust is gained by someone who stays. So my message to you all is, when
someone you know is going through something hard, think of everyone
involved. Their immediate and extended may also being going through pain
as well.
Now I close this message with a quote, something I take to heart,
something that means a lot to me. Something about reliving the pain of
things. – Ryan
“ Are you searching for purpose?
Then write something, yeah it might be worthless
Then paint something then, it might be wordless
Pointless curses, nonsense verses
You'll see purpose start to surface
No one else is dealing with your demons
Meaning maybe defeating them
Could be the beginning of your meaning, friend.”

Please keep these young warriors in your prayers. They are fighting right alongside me. 💗 Let those pink ribbons be your call to prayer!

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