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Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Chemo day

I have reached the halfway mark.
I have reached the halfway mark.

Today I completed my 8th round of chemo and I have 8 more to go. I finally feel like I can see a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. I know some of you have been praying. I can feel the protective covering over my body, mind, and soul. God is so good.

BODY: The plethora of side effects are still plaguing my body but I'm doing everything I can to manage them. The recent nosebleeds I've been having prompted a trip to the emergency room last week and now I'll be seeing an ear, nose, and throat specialist to make sure we're not missing a hidden problem. This also led to me reevaluating my ability to work right now. I simply can't. No matter how much I love it. No matter how much the income helps. My attention needs to fully be focused on my battlefield.
MIND: The depression I have been fighting is lessening and I'm accepting it as it is. I'm learning to let myself just feel what I'm feeling instead of trying to put on a good face. (I did that for years with my chronic pain issues and look where that got me. Nowhere.) The artifical menopause caused by chemo and the steroids that go with it are making it worse. I am so thankful for each of you that heard my cry and reached out to me these last few weeks. You are my Aaron and my Hur. (Read Exodus 17:8-16 if you're not familiar with the reference.) 😉
SOUL: How can this whole journey NOT bring me closer to God? I have had every emotion- sadness, anger, grief, joy, love, and gratitude -flow through me. I have questioned everything but am learning to accept it AS IS...the same way he accepts me. I am a mess and I know it. There are some things I can do something about, and I do, but the rest is in God's hands. I am in God's hands.

And remember, when you see PINK this month, PRAY. Before you make a PINK purchase, think. If you can't be sure your dollars are truly supporting breast cancer patients or research, consider donating that money to someone like me, deep in the trenches. I can tell you exactly where it's going.


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