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Monday, October 23, 2017

Skipper

Tomorrow!!
In exactly 12 hours I go in for yet another surgery. This time I get these super uncomfortable expanders out and my squishy implants in. New FOOBS for this girl!!

Yes, I'm excited.

I'm only a tiny bit nervous.

Prayers are always appreciated💙

And here's a little humor for your trouble😉 (just don't call me Skipper!)

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Metamorphosis

met·a·mor·pho·sis
ˌmedəˈmôrfəsəs/
noun

...the process of transformation from an immature form to an adult form in two or more distinct stages...

...a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means...

I couldn't have found a more appropriate word to describe this reconstruction process. I felt like cancer and its standardized "treatments" left me in shambles. The wreckage gave light to why so many refer to this as a battlefield and I, a warrior. I felt broken, maimed, mutilated, empty, and lost. I felt like a shell of my old self. I desperately needed God to transform my shattered pieces into something beautiful again. Whole. Feminine. Restored.

I put on a good mask in public...

I'm quickly approaching the anniversary of my last chemo treatment. I've had much work to do to clean up the mess it caused. Detoxing my physical body was only part of it. I needed to rid my heart from past hurts, my mind from the lies I'd allowed to take up space in my head. The healing has been slow and painful, but good. Oh, so good!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
2 Corinthians 5:17

My Creator is in control here. I'm looking forward to my new form.

[A very special thank you to Bella Joi photography for capturing my vision and bringing it to life.]

Monday, October 16, 2017

Reconstruction

4 months ago I went in for surgery to begin the process of restoring some semblance of my pre-cancer body. I haven't posted an update since because...well, it's been hard to put into words the myriad of emotions I've experienced along the way. It has also been a more delicate subject to share publicly, this rebuilding of my breasts. I go in next week to complete the process (God willing!) and I figure it's time to fill in the gaps.

In June of 2016, I underwent a bilateral mastectomy, more commonly known as a double mastectomy. Even though the cancer was only in my right breast (and one lymph node), it was an "easy decision" to have both removed. At that time I opted to delay reconstruction to allow my body to heal from surgery and chemo before putting more stress on my already impaired body.

I was left with scars from armpit to armpit, scattered along my ribs from blistering caused by an allergic reaction to the surgical tape, plus more scars from those horrid drains. I also had "dog ears", weird looking tissue under my armpits that look weird in my clothing and are uncomfortable when exercising. I call those my armpit boobs because...they are.


One year later, I went in for yet another surgery to have tissue expanders placed underneath my pectoral muscles. This is my surgeon's "game plan", marking where he would go in, where my new incisions would be (he used the same scar lines), and that little circle on the right was a suspicious lump that appeared. 


It was removed and sent to pathology and was thankfully just funky scar tissue and not more cancer. More drains, more scars, more healing.


 Giving myself injections to avoid blood clots, measuring fluid output from the drains, nausea. It's sad how familiar this has all become. 


Alloderm, was sewn in to hold the expander in place, creating a bit of a hammock.


Expanders look like fancy whoopy cushions. This is the sample expander my nurse showed me and my mom, my constant companion to these appointments ♥ The ones I have have 3 of those little tabs, each to hold the expander in place with a few uncomfortable stitches. 


Each expander has a magnetic port so they don't puncture the wrong spot. That would be bad!


Each week I would go in for fills. 50ccs of saline in each side until the desired size was reached. That funny looking device in the upper right hand corner reminds me of some type of navigation tool. I guess in a way it is. It has a magnet in it to locate the port in the expanders.

I'm sure you can imagine the discomfort (that word really doesn't have much weight to it) that these things caused. I have rock-hard boulders stitched under my pecs. I can't sleep comfortably on my side or my back and have been on muscle relaxers and pain meds throughout the process. I can't wait to be done. Next Tuesday, October 24th, I will go in for my "exchange". My plastic surgeon will swap the expanders for implants. I'm told they will be much more comfortable than the expanders and I should heal quickly.

There's more to share but that's for another day❤

PRAYER REQUESTS
I got sick this weekend. My first cold in over a year and a half, but it's a doozy. Please pray that I will be well again soon and nothing will delay my surgery date.
Also, my medical donation fund set up last year has allowed me to continue with treatments, self care, and medical expenses but is now less than $200. I see my integrative oncologist this week and that will leave me with very little left and that is causing me no small amount of stress. I'm not even sure how to ask you to pray here, but I trust God has a plan for this.