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Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Waiting

Wave after wave...they keep coming and they keep crashing. Treading water is not an option, I must keep swimming. I'm tired and I'm drowning... I just want to rest. I want to breathe but I can't keep my head above water. I just want to get out past the break...or back on dry land.

This week has been filled with much testing. Car trouble...again. Still not sure the problem is resolved. Charlie had planned to take 2 days off for my surgery last week and got 5. Work is slow. It's Wednesday now and he's done for the week. He starts a new job on Monday, praise the Lord, but it'll be rough to pay rent next month with so many missing days on his paycheck...and me not working.  Oh, and yesterday our landlord notified us that he has to raise the rent. Really?? What next?

My oncology appointment yesterday left me overwhelmed. Chemo...
Another wave crashes...

Today I went to the doctor's twice to get my drains checked. My right side has been partially clogged since Friday. Finally, it's clear and the swelling is going down.

I feel like I'm just waiting. Wading and waiting. Waiting to heal. Waiting to hear results. Waiting... I can't tell if it's me waiting on the Lord or him waiting on me. I think it's both actually. Have I been trying to do this all on my own? He's waiting for my total surrender. I'm waiting for him...

And then last night my pastors came to pray for us. And shared this...

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. One thing have I asked of the Lord , that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord . Hear, O Lord , when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have said, "Seek my face." My heart says to you, "Your face, Lord , do I seek."
Psalms 27:1‭-‬8

This is my cry.

But it ends with this...

Wait for the Lord ; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord !
Psalms 27:14

I will wait for the Lord. I will seek his face. I will trust him. He is faithful.

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