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Saturday, November 5, 2016

Thankful [Nov 5]

THANKFUL

12. I'm THANKFUL for getting to have my first private party in my new studio today.

13. I'm THANKFUL for having my son work for me. He's a great help and a hard worker.

14. I'm THANKFUL that I don't have to understand the hardships God allows in our lives. I know that his plans are good and he loves us, even when it means heartache and tears for a season.

Good mixed with not so good. That is just life, right? Tonight we said goodbye to a good friend, a brother, a man we've called family over the past few years. There were so many losses that year, but heaven's gain...God brought him and his children into our lives at a time when we had been preparing to adopt. Instead, God closed that door and extended our family with his. We traded our plans for God's, trusting his authority over us.
As the Lord calls our friend Home, we are reminded of God's sovereignty and eternal love. He will be missed but we know he will soon be in the presence of his Creator and we will see him again soon. 💙

Friday, November 4, 2016

THANKFUL [Nov 4]

THANKFUL

11. I'm THANKFUL for the unexpected. #ididntseethiscoming

Sometimes I just don't know what to expect. I'm frustrated with some of the conventional care I'm receiving right now as I'm entering the "4th quarter" of chemo. I'm going in for another visit Monday with my integrative oncologist...a visit I hadn't planned on quite yet, mostly because I can't afford it. But I can't afford not to. More tests to see if I should continue as planned...
And then this article about yours truly appears in our local news and I'm encouraged:

www.mailtribune.com/news/20161104/local-artist-battling-breast-cancer-surrounded-by-support

In the meantime, I'm keeping myself busy with joyful activities and much appreciate time with loved ones ❤ If you think of it, pray for me...for my head to stop hurting,  symptoms to ease, for my body to be healed...for the financial means to continue treatment, and for my eyes to stay focused on the Lord and his will for me. Thank you 💜

Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

1 TIMOTHY 6:12 

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Thankful [Nov 3]

THANKFUL

7. I'm THANKFUL for the relaxing morning I spent with my visiting friend before saying goodbye at the airport. #missheralready

8. I'm THANKFUL for my helpful sons who scrubbed chairs and did my heavy lifting in my studio today. #theydowhaticant #nocomplaints #MYSTUDIO

9. I'm THANKFUL for the photographer that came out to get photos of me in my studio for an upcoming article. #Icantbelieveitsmine #somebodypinchme #saycheese

10. I'm THANKFUL for the time this evening to sit down and talk with my beloved husband and fill out our ballots. #vote #lotsofprayers #jesuswins

The photographer had asked me to just "act natural and be happy" while I painted. He took several shots and then had me sit in a chair. And then it hit me...THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!! I am so excited to be seeing this dream of mine, to have my own art studio, come together. Today I painted in MY STUDIO. I may very well have the goofiest grin on my face when those photos come out but I don't care. God is giving me the desire of my heart and I AM THANKFUL.

Meanwhile, my body continues to fight these last rounds of chemo even though my doctor reduced my dose yesterday. Mentally, I am determined to fight through these next 4 rounds and not quit, but physically my body is screaming NO MORE. Please pray. I will be consulting with my doctors again to see what they advise, but ultimately I will seek wisdom in the Lord.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 CORINTHIANS 12:10

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Thankful [Nov 2]

THANKFUL

4. I'm THANKFUL for hours around my kitchen table catching up with one of my best friends 💗 #friendsforlife  #28yearsandwestillarentcaughtup

5. I'm THANKFUL for my cancer cell killing spree today and that I had a worthy partner in crime 😉 #unicornskeletonsftw

6. I'm THANKFUL for the unexpected but super sweet compliment one of my nurses paid me today ❤ #shelikesmycreativeoutfits

It's been a wonderful, uneventful day compared to the last week. Chemo round 12 is done and I only have 4 more till I'm done and can start the next part of my healing journey.

Praying for our friend who is still in the hospital. Praying for our insurance issues to be resolved. Praying for God's provision to pay for this next month of treatment. Praying for wisdom as I get my studio set up and ready to roll without wearing myself out. Praying for all of you reading this. Praying for a peaceful night's sleep.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
JOHN 14:27 


Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Thankful [Nov 1]

THANKFUL

1. I am thankful for my friend that flew in to see me this week. #shelovesme

2. I am thankful for my son who hugs away my tears. #heloveshismama

3. I am thankful for my husband who takes care of complicated paperwork when I can't think straight. #henevercomplains

And they were to stand every morning, thanking and praising the Lord , and likewise at evening...
1st CHRONICLES 23:30

Monday, October 31, 2016

31

It's been 31 days of Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I don't have anything else to add. Actually I'm sure there's plenty more but I'm tired and worn out.

The good news is I have only 30 more days till I'm done with chemo. The bad news is I'm not sure I can complete it as prescribed. I thought I was getting sick this weekend but then I realized I just felt so toxic...like my body was quitting. Usually my week has highs and lows, with a slight rebound before I go in again for another round of chemo. This week there was no rebound. My headache got worse, to the point of making me vomit. I'm breaking out in rashes all over my legs. They itch like crazy. My throat hurts. I'm running a borderline fever. Very mild under normal circumstances, but there is nothing normal about a body going through chemo!

My oncologist will check my numbers tomorrow and if I'm well enough to tolerate it, my chemo dose will be reduced. If not, I'll have to wait and see. I just want to be done.

One of my best friends is flying in tomorrow, God willing. She'll be here a couple days to walk with me through whatever ends up happening.

I have much to be thankful for but I'm overwhelmed with the yuck.

Worn
Tenth Avenue North

Lyrics
I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
'Cause I'm worn
I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven so come and flood my eyes
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn

Sunday, October 30, 2016

The Beautiful People, Part V

As we wrap up Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I want to again remind you to check your breasts regularly and I'll share one more story with you. Meet Suzanne-

"Receiving a cancer diagnosis is a life changing event.  I learned to put more faith in God than I ever had.  I saw the caring and compassion in so many people.  I learned that I was not alone.  I learned to treasure the simplest things in life.

I was 47 at the time of diagnosis.  I had faithfully had a yearly mammogram since age 40, but 10 months after a clear mammogram, I began having occasional pain, so I went to my doctor.  He didn’t seem concerned but sent me for an early mammogram.  I was taken immediately for an ultrasound and could tell by the tech’s face that she could see something.  Something was also spotted on the other breast.  Within a week, I had 3 biopsies and had received my diagnosis that one of the tumors was cancerous.  The doctor wasn’t convinced that the other side was clear, so I had to go through an MRI guided biopsy which was torture.  It came back negative again.  I also was sent for a PET scan, and the only cancer that was found was that in my right breast.   Once all of the pathology reports were back, it was discovered that my cancer was Triple Negative - a less common, very aggressive cancer. 
What a terrifying time this was.  My boys were 12 and 15.  My husband was out of the country on an extended business trip.  I had just lost a friend to breast cancer, so that’s what my boys knew about the disease – people died.  I tried to reassure them that I was going to fight as hard as I could.
The oncology team formulated a plan.  Every three weeks, I received chemo.  I had 6 rounds.  I lost my hair but not my sense of humor.  I kept smiling through it all as that helped me stay strong.  I was weak and tired, but I continued to work – because that helped me feel like I was in control.  My family and friends were awesome – helping with my boys, chores, cooking, etc.  Getting through chemo was definitely a mind over matter thing.  I had to be strong and be in control. 
After chemo, we knew that the tumor was smaller.  The doctor left the surgery up to me.  At diagnosis, my immediate thought was to have a mastectomy – I just wanted the cancer gone, but after I had time to really weigh my options, I decided to have a lumpectomy.  I did not get clear margins.  The surgeon said I needed to decide what to do next.  I opted for a mastectomy.  Again, I did not get clear margins and had to go in for a third surgery.
After the final surgery, the doctors gave me a few weeks to recuperate before beginning radiation.  I began daily radiation before Memorial Day and finished after the 4th of July. 
This should have concluded my treatment, but my oncologist presented me with an opportunity to participate in a clinical trial.  There was a trial going on for Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) patients.  Patients had to have done chemo before surgery and still have active cancer cells at the time of surgery.  Patients accepted into the trial were put into two groups.  One group would receive a very strong chemo drug for 4 rounds.  The second group would have that same chemo but would receive an IV of a trial drug for each of the four rounds and then move on to an oral trial drug for 20 more weeks. 
This was a lot to think about since I was finished with my treatment, but after prayers and soul searching I applied and was accepted into the trial.  I was no longer a patient but was now referred to as a subject.  I was put into the group that received the trial drug in addition to more chemo.  The first part of the treatment was brutal.  The chemo was awful.  The doctor offered to let me back out, but I didn’t.  I kept at it, and nearly 20 months after diagnosis, I was through with treatment!  I was able to complete my reconstruction surgery too. 
20 months of treatment was brutal on my body.  I was fatigued all of the time.  Gradually my strength came back, but I don’t think you ever get back to the person you once were.  It’s a matter of accepting that I had been through so much, and this was the new me.  I had osteoporosis prior to my illness.  All of the chemo caused the osteoporosis to become very severe, and I am undergoing treatment for that.  There are still days when I become easily exhausted, but I try not to complain because I am alive!  I am grateful for each special event that I get to share with my boys.  I know these events are things most parents take for granted, but I don’t.  I was diagnosed a little over 5 years ago and look forward to my 5 year ‘cancer free’ anniversary next March!"