Sifting

sift

sift/

verb

gerund or present participle: sifting

1. 1.

   put (a fine, loose, or powdery substance) through a sieve so as to remove lumps or large particles.

   "sift the flour into a large bowl"

   synonyms:

   sieve, strain, screen, filter, riddle; archaicbolt "sift the flour into a large bowl"
2. 2.

   examine (something) thoroughly so as to isolate that which is most important or useful.

   "until we sift the evidence ourselves, we can't comment objectively"

   synonyms:

   search through, look through, examine, inspect, scrutinize, pore over, investigate,analyze, dissect, review "investigators are sifting through the wreckage"

I am sifting through the details of my life right now. Filtering out all but the essentials. It is allowing me to see things more clearly, to remove the distractions, to be thankful, and to pray. I'm finding myself feeling emotionally raw, hypersensitive to both the good things and the bad. My heart aches with compassion for my loved ones...and rejoices with the smallest of blessings. I have been stripped to the core...

Twice last week I received surprised messages from 2 different friends, both under the impression that I'm done with chemo. Not even close. I have 12 rounds of chemotherapy to go. Weekly starting this Wednesday. If there are no delays, I will be done shortly after Thanksgiving. God willing...

Charlie told me the other day that sometimes he forgets that I have cancer. I do too...mostly when I'm doing what I love. Like dancing with my husband. Or painting on a new canvas. Spending time chatting with a girlfriend. I wish my days weren't filled with everything that reminds me of my battle. I have 6 appointments this week...all because of cancer. 

I have given up on writing individual thank you notes. And I refuse to feel ashamed. I am overwhelmed by the number of cards and notes I've received, the donations and meals that have arrived...how will I ever keep up? I am tired...exhausted...poured out. Please forgive me. 

It has been 4 months and 7 days since I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my world was turned upside-down. 128 days. In another 128 days, I'll be done...moving forward...healing. Before that, I only had fibromyalgia and thought I knew pain and fatigue. I measured my strength and energy in "spoons"...and my family knew what that meant. I was thankful for the healing God had given me and was enjoying my active and healthy lifestyle. I was building up my business, exercising regularly, eating well, and loving the freedom. I've homeschooled my boys since they were but tiny tots...now they're both in high school.  Then cancer strikes...Which of these things shall I give up? I do not have the energy or time to do them all...If I don't do it, who will? I do not worry about these things anymore. The house will get cleaned...eventually. The laundry too. I ate breakfast this morning and it didn't make me sick, so that's good. My boys started school today and I have a date to go dancing with Charlie tonight. My little "carrot" dangling in front of me to get me through today. I am tired already but I am choosing JOY.

The Little Things

While my posts have been sporadic as of late, my blessings have not!

I have tried to spend this CHRISTmas season truly focused on preparing my heart and home for the coming of the LORD. That was the plan anyway...

 "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." ~ Proverbs 16:9

Instead, I found the LORD leading me on a little journey of discovery. Who knew?? ;) Each LITTLE THING that He has revealed to me has been a blessed gift in, and of, itself...

With the last days of autumn, here are My Autumn Blessings:

#95...having a dear friend join my family for dinner and staying to bake cookies with me, just because ♥

#96...attending a beautiful CHRISTmas concert that touched my heart and made my soul sing in praise!

#97...hearing the LORD's Prayer spoken in another language...one I do not know or comprehend, but God does.

#98...getting ready for my husband's company Christmas party and taking joy in "getting pretty" just for him:)

#99...sharing my childhood Christmas memories with my husband, the good ones and the not-so-good ones.

#100...spending an hour on the phone talking to my mom. I miss her so much, especially at Christmas time. We decided that if we can't get together next Christmas, we will set up the webcams when we make our gingerbread houses so we can "share" the time together and laugh at the sugar-induced fun!

It has been a beautiful, blessed season...even if it wasn't what I had planned. I didn't even finish my advent countdown...I was too caught up in each LITTLE THING...each little gift.

Thank you, LORD.

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights..."

~ James 1:17

Full

I am full…
Thankful.
Joyful.
Prayerful.
I am full.

“Rejoice always,  pray without ceasing,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Full of thanks.
Full of joy.
Full of prayer and praise.

LORD, from the bottom of my heart, thank you… This blessed season of Thanksgiving should last the whole year through! I am truly humbled by Your love for Your children, Your love for…Me. Thank you, LORD. In my thankfulness, I say YES! to your grace! My joy is complete in You and only You…now and forevermore…

My Autumn Blessing #72…
…experiencing the FULLness of Thanksgiving with my family and my friends! I could not have asked for a better day ♥ and yet You knew, LORD!