Patience

Good news
If things had gone the way I'd originally planned, I would have started treatment in Mexico a week ago. Instead I was in the middle of radiation. I opted to stay home and fight this cancer with an integrative approach, stepping up what I'd already been doing and implementing a few new things. One of those things involved regular use of an infrared sauna. I've done this once a week for the last couple years which is fine for "maintenance" but I needed access more frequently with this recurrence in my bones. I bought a sauna for my home with some of the funds raised for my treatment expenses. It arrived the day I would have started treatment in Mexico. Charlie and Nathan assembled it that night and it is getting daily use. I can't do the high temps while healing from radiation but the gentle warmth feels so good to my bones. I'm looking forward to turning up the heat when my doctor gives the thumbs up.

Not so good news

Last Friday, I completed my 10 rounds of radiation. Not much compared to some but I'm still thankful to have it behind me. It will be weeks before we'll know if it was effective in treating my bone pain. Meanwhile, my doctor said to watch for skin changes and other symptoms. Saturday night was the only day I worked last week. That night my groin area turned angry red and tender. Sunday I could barely move without pain flashing through my body. I spent the day wrapped in a warm blanket resting. Monday I started getting intense pain and burning when I pee. These are symptoms I was told to watch for so I called my doctor. I'm sitting at the hospital right now drinking lots of water so they can do a urinalysis to rule out a UTI or other infection.

I am so tired.

Prayer request
My sister is coming to visit this week. A bright spot in my schedule that I'm looking forward to. Our plan was to rearrange and refresh my living room (we just got rid of my recliner- aka, my "sick bed" for surgeries and chemo) but I don't want to overexert myself.  Please pray that I'll get the rest I need for healing.

Winter blessings
6. The arrival of my sauna and the sharing of it with friends and family.
7. Completing radiation.
8. The gift of new chairs from a friend to replace the one that served me well but needed to go.

Celebrate

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Romans 12:15 ESV

This week, this first full week of 2019, has brought our family much cause for celebration. On Monday, following 3 back to back doctor appointments, we celebrated my youngest's 17th birthday. He is such a joy to my family and all who know him. He's not one for big parties so we had a quiet evening with just our little family and his best friend. He requested no cake so I "made" him a tower of donuts instead. 😂
On Tuesday, I got the wonderful news that my tumor marker (CA 15-3) count dropped significantly in the last month. It's almost half what it was the beginning of December. (On the chart pictured, there's a missing peak that put me over 150 but you get the idea.) We can officially say that my current treatment is working!
AND THEN...
On Wednesday, I saw my naturopath to go over my lab results and to weed through my supplements to be sure I'm taking what my body actually needs. He was a bit perplexed when he sat down with me and kept flipping the pages looking confused. When I asked him if everything was okay, he said he thought he had the wrong patient's file. He expected different results considering all I've been through the past couple years but said I've had a "remarkable recovery" from chemo and that across the board my results were "textbook optimal" with only one slight exception (inflammation is up). He wanted to know who'd been advising me and was surprised to find it was from my own research, prayerful consideration, and listening to my body. I've been instructed to continue doing what I'm doing because it's clearly working!

Prayer request: On Monday, I'll start radiation to my right hip and pubic bone to hopefully alleviate the persistent pain there. Please pray for that to be successful and minimal tissue damage. Also, my belly has been upset all week. I'm not sure if it's a bug or something else but I'd really like to have that resolved before Monday. Last of all, please pray for my oldest son who is having to make some tough decisions right now and that we might support him appropriately through these adult-size trials.

And the blessings continue...

Winter Blessings:
#4 Nathan and his birthday donut tower (pictured)
#5 My CA 15-3 tumor marker progress chart (pictured) showing a hefty drop.

New Year, New Hope

This perfectly sums up my thoughts on healing my body:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2 ESV

For years I have struggled with conforming to the standard of care offered, not just with cancer, but with several autoimmune disorders I've dealt with over the years. When you're looking for healing and wholeness but offered drugs to mask symptoms instead of looking to their cause, you turn to your Creator for direction. You open your mind up to renewal, learn to read your body, to give it what it needs, to allow healing to begin. You research and study, you pray and bring everything before the Lord to determine if it is his good will for you, part of his perfect and acceptable plan. You trust that HIS way is the only way for you to go, even if it doesn't make sense initially. You know that HE sees the bigger picture.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord , plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

As I step into 2019, I'm reminded of this simple measure I've come to rely on and embrace. To seek guidance from The One Who Knows All, to seek his will for me, to trust the outcome he's planned for me even if it's not what I hoped for. My hope is in him alone. My future rests in his loving hands.

Consider this a formal invitation to join me this year, to embrace his goodness, to seek his holy face in the ups and downs of daily life in a sinful world. I can't promise regular posts or even engaging ones, but I will try my best to share openly and honestly, to glorify God in all I say and do.

Despite the hopelessness the world would have me accept as my fate, this is still A Blessed Season. This is my blessed season.

Happy New Year!

Winter Blessings:
#1 Christmas with my family (pictured), a winter blessing to remember for a lifetime and long overdue.
#2 The fog that clings to our valley, hiding what we know is there, but wrapping us in the softness of a touchable cloud.
#3 Hot tea in a special mug to chase away the bone-chilling cold from the inside out.

All shapes and sizes

Big or small, major or insignificant, our blessings come in all shapes and sizes.

Today, I measured my oldest son's height and discovered he is less than 2 inches away from passing me up. On Saturday, my "baby" turns 10. Where does the time go? It's good to know that no matter how fast the time flies by, God is in control.

And I am thankful.

It has been a challenge to count my blessings these last few weeks. Death of a loved one, loneliness, planning for an upcoming surgery...Somewhere along the way I missed my signal to STOP...LOOK AROUND...and see what the LORD is doing in my life. 

  

A haze had settled over my little world and a battle continues to rage around me. It's hard to keep my eyes focused on Jesus when I can't tell which way is up...

...and then He shines His Light and I find my way again.

#1 A baby's giggle, #2 a call from a distant friend, #3 a simple thank you note

My winter blessings~ big and small

A new season has begun. A blessed season.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 

  a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
  a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
  a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
  a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
  a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
  a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
  a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

LORD, I am seeking that time of healing, that time of laughing & dancing. I know it will happen in Your Time, not mine...according to Your Will, not mine. I welcome that time of peace, Father God, but in the meantime, I need Your Arms around me and I am thankful that You never leave my side. ♥