This Blog Has Been Moved

Blogger is out of date so I've had to move my blog to https://tikanicole.wixsite.com/ablessedseason. Thank you!

Seeing the specialist

Several folks have asked how my appointment with the breast cancer specialist went on Monday so I better give a quick update.

There's really not much to share though...

The doctor is in agreement with my current line of treatment though he feels that closer monitoring of my side effects is in order. (If I'm still experiencing severe GI distress in 6 weeks, he wants me off the Lupron.) He also says we should not wait 6 months again to see if this current treatment is working. (He did say he wouldn't have put me on tamoxifen, my first line of treatment, in the first place.) He was kind and thorough, explaining everything quite well. He did discuss chemo's place in this. It's not totally ruled out but he wants to see if Lupron is effective first. He agreed that it's not enough to fight the cancer if my quality of life is severely compromised. He will watch for clinical trials that look promising for me.

I'm writing this as I wait to see my regular oncologist for this month's recheck and labs. My hope is that my tumor markers are starting to come down from the last test. Same for the calcium in my blood. My understanding is that she'll start me on the next 2 drugs today. Please pray that I'll tolerate these well.

One thing I asked the specialist about was my prognosis. My other doctors have refused to discuss this with me until we find an effective treatment. He elaborated on that... he said that finding an effective treatment means we're talking "years". Please pray we'll find one soon. Stastically speaking, 3-5 years is the average for my type of cancer...but the statistics don't specify if that's with an effective treatment or not. I'll assume not since without it...it ends with death. *sigh* It is hard to have these discussions...with my doctors, with my loved ones, and with God.

There've been a few recent conversations that have got me thinking...questioning... digging deeper. Why would a so called "loving God" allow this? If he's all powerful, why doesn't he just heal you? These aren't my questions but ones a few friends shared recently and it really got me thinking. (I absolutely love and honor these friends who are brave enough to have these discussions and share their true feelings with me.) As a parent myself, I know there's little I wouldn't do to protect my children, spare them the heartache and pain...so why would my Heavenly Father,  my Creator allow repeated pain and suffering to the very children he claims to love and promises to protect?

I have more to say on this but I'd like to hear from some of you first. (You don't have to share publicly if you'd prefer not to. Just email me instead tikaweeks @ gmail'dot'com)

The testing of my faith

The testing of my faith has been delivered to me in a most peculiar way. Who in their right mind would call cancer a gift? And yet it has been, it has taught me so much, stretched me, blessed me. And yes, it has a ribbon of fear wrapped around and binding me on each side, a part of the package.

I do not want to live in fear. I want to live in JOY. I want to enjoy this life God has given me, each precious day, each breath, each moment. Yet it's not about me, is it? 

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 

What exactly is steadfastness anyway? 

stead·fast·ness

/ˈstedˌfastnəs/

Learn to pronounce

noun

1. the quality of being resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering.

Oh. So these trials that test my faith - cancer, pain, parent challenges, work - they're producing steadfastness in me, making me "dutifully firm and unwavering", so that I may be complete and lacking nothing. 

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Let's be honest here. I lack wisdom. If wisdom is the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment, then why am I so lost and confused? I have asked God to help me here...he has provided in the past and I can trust that he will provide again...but meanwhile I'm feeling very lost and confused. I don't know what to do. Perhaps I am doubting? I do feel like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. I do feel unstable. Lord, increase my faith! 

Last week, I got to spend some time with my family in California. I felt "off" the whole time I was there, but especially the last day. I realized that I'd had an upset stomach for weeks and it was not improving. I emailed my doctor from the airport as I was heading home. My doctor called me Friday and had me go in for labs. I had to go in for more on Tuesday. My prayers continue, pleading with God for healing, to be well, to be whole. As the lab results trickled in, I sank deeper and deeper. Despite this new medication, my tumor markers have more than doubled. The inflammation in my body is way too high. The calcium in my blood is at toxic levels. The bone strengthening injection I've been receiving since September should be pulling that to my bones to prevent a fracture. 

My doctor has instructed me to listen to my body and tend to my digestive system. I'm not getting the nutrients I need from the food I'm eating. I'm back on a very limited diet and keeping a food journal to try and figure out what I can tolerate. Every time I eat, my stomach rebels. I'd rather not eat. I feel like my system is shutting down, betraying me. 

12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

I'm trying to stay the course. I'm trying to stand strong. I. am. exhausted. I am so thankful for those that have stood alongside me and encouraged me when I feel overwhelmed by each crashing wave.  

16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.

Every good and perfect gift is truly heaven-sent. Thank you, Father God.  

Sunday, Charlie and I will drive up to Portland. My oncologists have referred me to a breast cancer specialist at OHSU Knight Cancer Institute. I have an appointment Monday morning to see a doctor that only sees breast cancer patients and specializes in early phase clinical trials. Please pray he has something helpful to offer that my other doctors have not yet considered. I'm feeling desperate. This cancer has been growing and spreading uncontrollably for the last year and a half. We need to get ahead of it to slow it down. 

Please pray for my sons. My oldest just announced tonight that he's found his first apartment. Praise the Lord! My youngest is struggling... thought he was handling things well, but I found out today that he is definitely not. We are working with his counselor but it's going to take time. He's afraid of losing me. He burst into tears today and I'm helpless to comfort him. Please pray.

One last prayer request- that I might keep my eyes focused on God and fully submitted to his will for me, that he gives me peace and comfort, wisdom and discernment. 

Milestone and update

This weekend marks 3 years since the day my world changed. 3 years since I was told I had breast cancer. 3 years of fear and tears. 3 years of hidden blessings. Is this a milestone to mark or a day to ignore? I have no idea...I just know that I trust the Lord and his plans for me... even if I don't like them... even if I don't understand them...

My beautiful family, 11 days after learning I had breast cancer.

On Tuesday I spoke with my integrative oncologist and we finally got the results back from my liver biopsy. We were surprised to learn that the new tumors are hormone receptor positive (we expected a mutation since it was not responding to treatment). The tumor cells are also "briskly multiplying". She suspects that these cells are either resistant to the hormone blockers or the receptors themselves have been damaged in mutation. Both of my oncologists have consulted over my case and have determined that we need to change my treatment as soon as possible.

Ready for my double mastectomy

On Wednesday I saw my other oncologist (allopathic) to determine what happens next. We are currently awaiting authorization from my insurance to start Lupron, a monthly injection that will shut down my ovaries (stop estrogen production). It's side effects are similar to what I've already experienced with Tamoxifen but I'm told they'll likely intensify.

My sister came for my first chemo

Next, they plan to start me on Faslodex, "an estrogen receptor downregulator, this means it binds to the estrogen receptor site in competition with estrogen in the body. Once it binds to the site it causes the receptors to break down, thereby preventing normal cellular response to estrogen." ¹  These drugs will put me further into a chemically induced menopause in hopes of slowing down my tumor cell growth.

My son shaving my head when my hair started falling out in clumps

My oncologists also plan to put me on Ibrance, a fairly new drug. It "blocks proteins in the cell called cyclin-dependent kinase (CDK) 4 and CDK 6. In hormone positive breast cancer cells, blocking these proteins helps stop the cells from dividing to make new cells." ² The list of side effects for Ibrance are concerning to me, especially that I'll be neutropenic (low blood cell and platelet counts) putting me at risk in public and in my line of work. The high risk for blood clots in my lungs, mouth sores, and nausea... it's like chemo all over again.

Hyperbaric oxygen therapy helping me through chemo

My oncologist is also referring me to a breast cancer specialist at OHSU. She's hoping he'll weigh in with some helpful advice. Please pray that the trip up to Portland will be productive and helpful.

Opening my art studio in the middle of chemo. A dream come true. 

Meanwhile, I'm still trying to be MOM. My son needs me and I'm struggling to be fully present and focused on his needs while tending to my own. For his sake, I won't go into further detail but I do request your prayers for him and for Charlie and I as we figure out how best to help him. Please respect our privacy in this regard and do not approach or contact him, even with the best of intentions. Thank you.

From the photo shoot I was nominated for

I'm down to teaching only 2 days a week now and business has been really slow. "Really slow" is dangerous when I'm not working as much. I'm interviewing a woman this afternoon to potentially teach at my studio. Please pray this is a good fit. 

Ringing the bell when I finished chemo

I'm so incredibly exhausted all the time right now and I will not be working more unless I'm feeling better. I'm in constant pain right now and spend my time trying to distract myself from the mental and physical effects of all of this... without wearing myself out with the distractions. Netflix and books are my current BFFs. Feel free to send me your recommendations.

Preparing for breast reconstruction

Diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer in my bones

Installing my infrared sauna 

Radiation

Discovered 10 tumors in my liver

Now what?

My sister was here to visit this week. Just because. She was here for 4 and half days and this is the only picture I took. My sister, on the other hand, was kind enough to take a few more I'm sure you'll appreciate. 

Playing cribbage Wed night. We took this to send to my dad❤

She was to leave late Thursday night so we'd planned to enjoy the forecasted warm weather that day and explore Jacksonville and Ashland. I went to bed Wednesday night feeling fine. I awoke at 6 am vomiting and in severe pain. Plans can change quickly.

I spent the next 8 hours forcefully retching or fitfully sleeping. My oncologist called around 8:30 with news for me (more on that later) and when I told her what was going on, she said she'd check back later. At 2 she told me to head to the ER to rule out the flu, etc. If those came back negative, she wanted a scan of my brain. "I don't want to alarm you but sometimes brain metastases can cause nausea and vomiting. Let's just be sure."

My sister got me ready to go to the hospital. 

My sister took me in. The triage nurse was concerned that my heart rate was so high. Not my norm. They got me in quickly as a result. IV for fluids, labs, and morphine.

I don't have the flu, though it could be another virus. Not likely food poisoning. 

Triage

The ER doctor ordered ct scans of my brain and abdomen. Both came back clear of any new or concerning changes. 

My entertainment team 😘

I was given the option to stay for observation or they'd release me to go home.  I opted to go home and rest. I was home by 7 and Charlie took my sister to the airport though she'd offered to stay.
By 8 I was running a high fever. My temp was between 101° and 103° for the next day and a half. My fever finally broke this morning, thank you Lord.

I've slept a lot the last few days. I've cancelled classes and sent out more refunds than I care to think about. I know it was necessary but that doesn't make it any easier. Now that I'm awake I'm processing it all, including the initial call from my oncologist. She was calling to let me know that the NCI (National Cancer Institute) had reviewed my files but they were not accepting my case. They feel the tumors in my liver are not in an ideal location for extraction for treatment. If anything changes in the next couple months they'll reconsider. In other words, if the tumors grow where they can access them, then they'll consider me.

I didn't realize how much hope I was placing in this option until I got the news it wasn't. Just knowing these tumors continue to grow inside my body is hard to swallow. I am scheduled for a liver biopsy Monday so I need to get well. I don't know if they'll do it if I'm still sick. We need the results of the biopsy to determine what next for treatment.

PRAYERS & PRAISES
Please join me in praising God for the time I got to spend with my sister this week. We did have a good visit and then she took such tender loving care of me. I'm so thankful for that.
Please pray for my family and close friends. It's so hard to see their helplessness and concern for me. I love them for it but I know they are hurting.

At least she got one good pic of us this week❤

Just a side note: For those of you following the drama in the news about nurses playing cards on their shifts, let me just say that I've been under the care of many nurses these last few years and I've never ever seen a lazy one nor one who doesn't put patient care first. Having several personal friends that are RNs, I have to say they are some of the hardest working people I know. So for all the times no one said thank you, and the times people yelled at you, peed on you, called you names, let me be the one to say THANK YOU. You ARE appreciated and VALUED.

First Line results

I had my petscan Wednesday. Yesterday, I went in for my monthly labs, recheck appt, and injection. They already had my results and I want to share the results of my first line of treatment:

The cancer in my bones shows growth and more metastases but it seems that the cells are less active. Unfortunately it has now spread to my liver and those cells don't seem to be responding to treatment. Both of these things explain my rising numbers. My onc suspects that the cancer in my liver may be a different mutation so she's sending me for a liver biopsy asap. There were some other concerning factors from my labwork so I'll have more tests done again tomorrow. My dr is opting to continue this first line of treatment until we have more info.
Please pray for:
HEALING
Less pain
Mental clarity
Wisdom
And my guys❤
As you can imagine, this new development is concerning and, if I'm totally honest, scary.

The good news is that my integrative oncologist applied on my behlf for a clinical trial through NCI and we got news this morning that that will consider my case.
Please pray for this too. I have to send them my petscan results and if I qualify, I'll be traveling to the Washington DC area for treatment. From what I'm told, this will be multiple trips of a few weeks at a time.

World Cancer Day 2019

Today is World Cancer Day.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. This is my story:

I am Tika Weeks and I will use my voice and influence to bring awareness, education, and hope to others affected by cancer. It is my hope and prayer that God be glorified in the process while I strive to thrive.

#breastcancer
#metastaticbreastcancer
#advancedbreastcancer
#stageIVcancer
#worldcancerday
#iamandiwill
#thriver

#strivingandthriving